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Today was Saturday - the day I have always been loving the most, as its festive aura always seems to boost my mood. So, although today started with me being quite unwell because of lacking of sleep the previous night, I felt that I would go through today in such a good mood I couldn't literally explain. Simply, nothing was gonna take me down - no matter what!
At 7 in the morning, I had to wake up because I had to come to a seminar at school. Well, it was surely so hard to wake myself up. The hardest part was the bathing time. It was frustrating to decide how I would pour the cold water onto my skin. I would just rather go to bed and cover my body with warm blanket. When I finally made my way to the seminar which lasted for 2 hours, I found that my body and my mind actually no longer could tolerate of being awake. But, there was no other choice, because I had 2 classes today. So I strengthened myself and worked quite hard to coordinate both my body and mind.
Looking forward to having my classes, I truly realized that I needed to sleep. My body tried hard to adjust. So did my mind. While I had to go upstairs to 4th floor, and downstairs to ground floor, I also had to stay focused to teach. It was somehow a little bit hard to do. Most of the time of today, I imagined myself laying on a comfy bed and just slept tightly.
Of course I looked terrible - eyes were swollen and red, with dark shades circled both of them. Wearing light and pastel-colored fabric, I made my way to look cheerful despite the fact that I was too sleepy to teach nor function. I firmly told myself that everything today was gonna be just fine, that I would make my classes amazing as usual, and that after all, I would happily and comfortably rest. I held on to those nice thoughts. So I walked, talked and behaved just like I had all the energy to fully do those lively gestures.
The first class went well. It was class of secondary Junior High. My students and I were new to each other, so I thought the timing was just right. I took the opportunity to come as a newbie to them, and they just enthusiastically studied with me. In the end, I was very relieved that at least I didn't ruin my class.
When I thought that everything went well as I had tried hard to make it, something then bothered me.
I was walking upstair to the 2nd floor for praying when I met a female student who was walking downstair. I smiled - just like usual, but she just looked at me while walking - didn't even bother to smile back at me. And i was just like - Hey, what's wrong? Shouldn't you just smile at me, too? I was upset. I kept thinking why she didn't smile back at me. Because I didn't think I ever saw her, well, she might just not know me either. OK, then. Never mind. I might just look like a walking vampire.
On 2nd floor, I met 2 other female students. When I smiled at them nervously, they actually smiled back at me. Well, I felt better, even though I never met them before. I might be just exhausted to accept something which didn't go along with my expectation. After praying, I asked them what grade they were. They said that they were 12th graders. Then, casually, one of them said to me, "And you? What grade are you?"
I froze - suddenly. She asked me WHAT GRADE I was?!
It was ALWAYS awkward when students didn't seem to know that I was their teacher - someone who was much older. Didn't they even realize that?
I smiled nervously, and said, "Well, I am your teacher. You don't know it, do you?"
They were surprised, and said that they were new students, so they just happened to mistaken me for a student of their age. OH, WELL! I thought the way I spoke clearly showed that I was way older than them! Didn't they just simply know it?
I smiled and told them that it was okay. When I waved them goodbye, I also told them that somehow it was funny for me to give them such impression on their first time meeting me.
Then with a little smile on my face, I went on my 2nd class. And guess what!? The one I previously met on my way upstair before praying was actually there in my 2nd class of Executives students of 12th graders. The one who didn't smiled back at me!
When I entered the paneled class and greeted them, she smiled at me and said that when she met me before, she thought that I was also a student, didn't think that I was a teacher. It only made me think about the reason why she didn't smile back at me was because she thought I was a student.
I just didn't get it. Why would she do that? I mean, what is exactly the point of smiling to your teacher or someone whom you give your respect to, but then not smiling to your friend or someone who is the same age as you? What is the point of it? Well, why don't we just smile to whoever, because it can convey a wide of emotions, including pleasures, right?
I was utterly exhausted today, and experiencing such a funny thing when I wasn't in good health of body and mind was just surprisingly not a nice thing.
I might be just too weary to take it personally.
Or else - I might just look like a terrible vampire.
picture: private document
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