MOMENTARILY GOT ME DOWN!

There are moments when I feel like ... choked up.

Moments when I feel that my baby-whining is not worth even a single approval.

Moments when I feel that my being weakness does not at all matter.

Moments when all my resentments are definitely unnecessary.

Moments when I feel like being slapped on the cheek.

Moments when I feel like being stabbed, right in the heart.

Moments ... when I whisper to God, "Please, let me - just let me do it. Let me."

Obviously, I can't get enough of being inspired. Oh yeah ~ basically, I need inspirations to make myself me.

I have sinned - and I want to just alter the way I have done it. I'm in need to do something - for others.

Kindness. Sincerity. Great deeds. Salvation. Redemption. 

Anything - to make others' hearts at ease, to erase their pains, to make them feel secured and much better; despite my lacks and limits.

I've been asking God: when and how I am gonna do it. I have that thought in my head about the timing and the doing: if not now, when else? If not this or that way, how else?

I can't recall exactly when I first started to realize those moments, because I am always a sensitive, melancholic, and tear-jerking kind of individual; so I guess I just carry the elements of each feeling to find, recognize, and feel those moments like they are my daily events, with me, behind my consciousness. I practically live with those moments forever - every single day, for both usual and unusual moments.

It is always easy for me to shed tears over things which are special and not-that-simple to me, which are nothing special and plainly simple for others. 

I get touched easily - in the sense of humanity; if nothing else!

But as I get older every single day, my feeling toward those moments has been getting stronger - urging me to get things I've been dreaming of done!

The awakening moment which hit me hard, got me choked, made me cry, got me down, was the moment I scrolled up my INSTAGRAM feeds page, and saw a stunning photo by the amazing John Stanmeyer ( @JohnStanmeyer) for National Geographic (@natgeo).

The crying boy in the picture is Ahmed, age 5.

I thought I stopped breathing while reading the caption, the story behind the photo. I mean, it broke my heart that he was crying. I felt like I wanted to reach out my arms, hug him, and wipe his tears away. I felt like I wanted to tell him that everything was gonna be just fine.

As if I could ... 

Then, just when I thought that I couldn't go on with the feeling like I would do something in the end, I was jaw-droppingly amazed by another beautiful photo by Adem Demirtas (@ademdmrts).

I saw the photo. Some seconds passed. And, Oh how i wanted to take his hand and draw him closer into my embrace! I mean, look at him! The cutest, definitely. I know, I know, he may not need my hugging - but, I DO need to hug him to make me feel better. The way mothers affectionately hug their children. I thought I may have passed some places and seen such faces, but this one is literal - hitting me deep with reality that there ARE out there, outside my comfort zone, children who are alive and magically turn me (some ones like me, those 336 likers of the photo) - upside down. I mean, seeing something beautiful out of usual and simple thing - until eventually, it is no longer usual and simple; it is unusual and beautiful.

The way I got touched was not because of sympathy - it is rather ... happiness. Gratitude.

So happy that I cry, so grateful that I shed tears - for some damn moments in my life.

pictures: courtesy of Instagram, National Geographic, John Stanmeyer, Adem Demirtas