MILESTONE

This is one of events in my life which receives special attention. An important moment of mine.

When I flew away from home to a new place, I just knew that changes occurred. Some things simply remained the way they were, but some other just altered.

Adding to the fact that my dreams do come true, there is also something about me which is inspired. In turns, it is my precious time to start knowing more about myself and loving me more than before - through many sincere ways.

It's as if I were a certain "place" in the world - an exciting spot which is either truly unique or simply cool - then, a milestone is right there on the center of it all - pointing out into many fascinating directions and guiding me there through its paths.

Then, I also play an important role of making marks, at zero point - that every good direction just simply starts here - from me - no matter where each of it exactly directs to.

WHO CARES?!

actually, i don't care if my students simply make unnecessary noises in the classroom. unnecessary means something like talking in loud voices to each other, while some other students have a quite hard time to concentrate doing the test.

really, i don't care.

maybe, those who make noises actually don't either, but i think it is a moral imperative for me to - at least - warn them once - just once. more warning means only making the situation much more exagerrative. so, i care only a little.

what more can i do? they are actually grown-ups at their teen ages. i can't simply be hard to them.

why don't i think that it is necessary for me to tell them that somehow they just annoyingly disturb the whole class?

because i don't care!

SOARING

Talking about failed ambition these days, it seems like I can feel it even more. 

Icarus is about a reality to me. With his determination to conquer the sky as a matter of escaping from Crete, along with his wings of feathers and wax, flying too close to the burning sun, and falling into the sea - drowned, I know I have that urge within me to go as high as he did.

I always dream high - flying like a bird without any wings, literally. Icarus might be hubristic, while I am sort of realistic.

SHE'S A REBEL!

So, I met this girl and she's just like one of a kind. I happen to realize her existence recently and decide to befriend her. I may not go along well with her most of the time, but I'm about to stand by her in this crazy mixed-up world!

Being a contradiction, she's among those girls who mark different attitudes in unique, kind of good ways. Simply, she doesn't belong to commoners. She's quite bold in showing her difference - it might be because she's not around her kinds. As a result of being contradictory, she feels like the world around her is just against her. She told me that she dreamed about meeting her own kinds of contradictions and mingling. She said that it might help her feel just "normal" - being with the same kind of contradictions.

DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL

my dad is my man - for sure.

no matter how i screw him so bad that he was mad at me, but still loves me dearly,  there is always that thing deep inside me which encourages me to make him happy.

i may have been miserable daughter for the rest of my life, but i bet there are some things that are literally guilty pleasure of having me as his little girl.

all my life, i grew up with my dad as my only guardian. my parents were separated when i was about 3 or 4 years old. being the youngest girl of 5 siblings, i had my dad and my older sisters/brothers take care of me. being the smallest daughter, i found myself was emotionally tied with the figure of father in my dad.

i remember when i used to take a shower with my dad, i noticed something on his skin that was particular to my eyes and i liked touching it with my fingers. i also remembered the scar along his upper back from an accident which burnt him. also, his permanent injury on his left index finger for coming into grinder when he was working at his machine shop. it makes him unable to flexibly move the finger as the joints is no longer able to bend. to me, he is a tough man - despite all of his imperfections. i love him.

STRIKE TWO, AND I'M OUT OF THE GAME!

it ain't so-called baseball game - it is my awkward moment of persistently into someone else.

awkward : as i feel like i don't know where to start while having that feeling in me blossomed.

persistently: for i seem to be myopic about that feeling within me.

well, my capability of being in a longing state of mind is just incredible. in a particular time when most people have already done with the same thing, still i dwell with it - for unknown period. it is seemingly i have those extra energies to deal with those energy-consuming things.

on one side, it is great - to feel it intensively, like nobody else could do. but on the other hand, it hurts so bad to make my days through it - most of the time.

sometimes, i just know the whole thing about it is only going to ruin me - emotionally, so why bother going on? nevertheless, i kept walking and then stumbling down - in pain. who's stupid, now?

DELONIX REGIA: THE FLAME MEMORY

how i love the flame tree!

merely, i just can't resist the beauty of it : the big shady thing, along with the lovable green leafs and gorgeous red/deep orange petals. it can always distract my attention and leave me breathless. simply pretty!

i firstly noticed the tree some years ago. i was walking down the street of Pusat Study Jerman of Gadjah Mada University - one of the most lovely places at the university: area of Sekip Blok K. every single thing there was just right. the look was somewhat of classical thingy: old building of a school,  the fine bricks which formed the outer walls, and some white benches in front yard, under the shade of a big umbrella - a kind of view which reminded me of cafes alongside the hip road of big cities: tres chic!  From the first moment i saw it, i fell in love. it was actually a bright early morning in an October, and when i lifted my head, cool breeze wiped my bangs, and i looked up - capturing the most astonishing view of that day: a big Delonix regia - shading almost the whole area of the beautiful building . some sun rays went through the tiny green leafs and the flaming petals - giving some sparkling thingy around the tree. i gasped, breathtakingly amazed.

since then, i have been adoring it like never before. i even imagine about planting it someday so i can have more access to it. i foresee that i can see the dark-greened leafs every dry season and the blossoming of the red petals whole rainy season - the most beautiful thing: viewing the whole tree leafless - just flower-full!

surprisingly, the first time i got here in South Borneo, the very first thing i met in longing, was Delonix regia. it was also a bright morning of a day when i was sitting on a car. i sat by the window. i stared out - enjoying a sparkling view of a magnificent river in the middle of the town. when the car came to cross a bridge, i turned left and there it was: the flaming tree. it was September - more likely the beginning of rainy season, so it was lucky me to see the red petals! somehow, it does matter for me to be extraordinarily happy about the things that are dear to my very heart. such vibrant colors of Delonix regia is simply my favorite.

ETHICAL LUXURIES OF MINE

i remember when i stood up in front of a big picture of poster. an advertisement in front of a store. it was big. attracting. sparkling, fresh green olives covered a woman's body - only showed her head and hair. it was such an artistic picture that i wondered what it was all about. i turned my head and looked into the store. looking above, i read the sign:The Body Shop. a British-origin store. i stepped inside and wandered the whole things about the shop. it was so much amazing. even though it started almost 6 years ago, i just know that i was destined to deal with it dearly.

first thing happened: i bought the classy and classical White Musk perfume, the first fragrance to use cruelty-free musk. i love it very much - and remain loyal user up until now. among my first purchases were Poppy Seed Mask for hair, organic cotton buds, and a paddle brush which was 100% from well-managed forests. i simply loved them! i felt simply great using such sincere products.

SK: ONE OF A KIND

this is a why-and-how i have been going so crazy about an Indonesian female author: Sitta Karina, and how her writings have been musings of mine for all this time.

that day, i was walking down the boulevard of Gadjah Mada University in a sunny morning, apparently at 10. on the previous days, i had always walked down the road, and noticed an old-books stall by the roadside. it was a kind of newsstand which sold old books and magazines - and i liked it. i mean, i am always that kind of person who loves antiques and vintage thingy.

usually, i would only pass the book stall and just go away. look, even though i liked it, but at that time i just didn't feel like i wanted to stop and take a look, or even buy some of them. it was mostly because when passing that road almost every day, i actually had just got back from library, such as UPT 1 or American Corner. so, simply, i thought that i was already full of readings, so i didn't think i needed more.

AN UNPLEASANTLY WITTY SURPRISE

☠✘ϟ⚠✌

Today was Saturday - the day I have always been loving the most, as its festive aura always seems to boost my mood. So, although today started with me being quite unwell because of lacking of sleep the previous night, I felt that I would go through today in such a good mood I couldn't literally explain. Simply, nothing was gonna take me down - no matter what!

At 7 in the morning, I had to wake up because I had to come to a seminar at school. Well, it was surely so hard to wake myself up. The hardest part was the bathing time. It was frustrating to decide how I would pour the cold water onto my skin. I would just rather go to bed and cover my body with warm blanket. When I finally made my way to the seminar which lasted for 2 hours, I found that my body and my mind actually no longer could tolerate of being awake. But, there was no other choice, because I had 2 classes today. So I strengthened myself and worked quite hard to coordinate both my body and mind.

Looking forward to having my classes, I truly realized that I needed to sleep. My body tried hard to adjust. So did my mind. While I had to go upstairs to 4th floor, and downstairs to ground floor, I also had to stay focused to teach. It was somehow a little bit hard to do. Most of the time of today, I imagined myself laying on a comfy bed and just slept tightly.

Of course I looked terrible - eyes were swollen and red, with dark shades circled both of them. Wearing light and pastel-colored fabric, I made my way to look cheerful despite the fact that I was too sleepy to teach nor function. I firmly told myself that everything today was gonna be just fine, that I would make my classes amazing as usual, and that after all, I would happily and comfortably rest. I held on to those nice thoughts. So I walked, talked and behaved just like I had all the energy to fully do those lively gestures.