MY AMERICAN DREAMS: THRU' HIS EYES OF MINE

Central Park, New York - May 2015

First day of August 2014, he departed to The United States of America.

Yep! Leaving me all behind.

Like I really, really couldn't help it!

He left me for a great deal : education.

By any means and in any ways, I just simply could never ruin his dream - even if it means parting millions miles away!

I always told myself that I was gonna be okay once he left, but of course I failed. I felt empty - exactly like what I felt when my mom passed away years ago.

Cold. Grey. Completely lonesome. Absolutely on my own.

For he is not only the man I married. A family. But also, the one I want to spend my days and nights, goods and bads with - the cherry to my pie, the straw to my berry, the cream to my Oreo! Once he leaves, what am I gonna do?

INDONESIAN MEAL: MADE AT HOME

I feel like a lone wolf - though I am not, necessarily, lonely. 

Seriously!

Another thing is that I have always been a homey person, which likely limiting my time for social life for staying in alone instead of social outing - for staying myself. I love staying at home, doing house chores (despite a messy kinda personality of me!), being 'lazy' all the time, indulging myself in endless me-time (along with good music, great books, homemade delicacies, and, probably, daydreaming). There is no stopping me from spending my time in everywhere I call home.

I always feel secured being at home. Whenever I go out following my wanderlust sentiments, I always feel happy at the most to come home, at last! It is quite an oxymoron thingy as I love lingering indoor at home, yet keen on travelling outdoor to the (almost) unknown world full of breathtaking adventures, like, yeah, YOLO, you really really only live once! So, there is no time and nothing to waste!

Being a loner is sometimes a lonely state of mind. I find it quite miserable to realize that I am literally alone. Not that I badly need to be surrounded by my few friends, but I want to get myself involved in a crowd. Not necessarily nor actively getting along - just being there to soak up the bright of cheered up social atmosphere. Or else, simply following my outdoor mood. Sometimes. Only sometimes.

Most of the time? Feeling like a lone star, and being like one, is never too much that I live for in my life. It is one of the best things happening to me!

MOMENTARILY GOT ME DOWN!

There are moments when I feel like ... choked up.

Moments when I feel that my baby-whining is not worth even a single approval.

Moments when I feel that my being weakness does not at all matter.

Moments when all my resentments are definitely unnecessary.

Moments when I feel like being slapped on the cheek.

Moments when I feel like being stabbed, right in the heart.

Moments ... when I whisper to God, "Please, let me - just let me do it. Let me."

Exceptionally Exceptional

Living a new role as a life partner of someone is something beyond my expectations.

I feel selfless (happen-to-be, or unaware).

Magnanimous.

Desirous.

And, I feel like I have betrayed myself, at the beginning, in a way that I would never do in the past - the great and positive way.

Though I was typical little girl growing up with Disney's distinctive idealism of finding the Prince Charming and having a happy-ending life in marriage, I always seem to go with my true-self, being rebellious, out of mainstream way - for I never thought that getting married was a dream I badly wanted to make it come true. I mean, wait up, just let me settle another things other than getting married. I know that at certain point of my age, I just have to take it into my consideration - that eventually I have to settle down, no longer running around. But the feeling like I want to live alone is bigger than the fact of taking norms of life naturally and normally like everybody does.

I have dreams - another bigger dreams.

GASTRONOMINSPIRED: EDIBLES & IDEAS

Among many great and wonderful things happening to me in my 30 years of life, preparing meal and dealing with edible stuffs are the loveliest.

I love eating, and actually, cooking.

Somehow, it's an interrelated principles: eating and cooking. I will prepare my meal and cook it when I'm in need of food but I simply can't go out buying the ready-to-eat or dine out. And, of course, I will eat everything that I prepare and cook myself.

I'll do both happily. With love. With gusto.

THE PLUVIOPHILE(Y) ME!

Dating back to five months ago, it was a rainy afternoon in February the 25th.
As I was sitting by the large wooden window, i was staring at the drops of drizzling rain.

Beautiful and peaceful.

Again, the way that my dearest author inspires me is awesome!

I mean, hey, we are more or less the same ages, but how can't I just be as inspirative as she is? I know, I know; ages don't have anything to do with great deeds and creativity which ones do. Sure, she and I are completely two different people, and each other is destined to have different kind of ... intelligence. Errr, now I feel hurt by merely the quality that I lack of. It may be because I am not smart enough to open up my mind, get the great things around me, and share them in such an outstanding way that I can simply inspire other people - just like she always does - so that I seem to play another role as the one who is badly inspired - by so many great figures in the world; such as Sitta Karina Rachmidiharja, those people in my Google+ circle, social medias, musicians, actors, family and people in my nearest side of life; as well as by a great number of simple things around me; such as the sun, cats, paper flower, cute yellowish dry leafs, and even drops of rain. I mean, though I never am an inspirator, at least I do my job very well as an inspired one. Okay, I sound desperate just now -_-

PROJECT WANDERLUST: Traveling Home and Indulging Olden Days

to start it off, i would like to refer my thought to one of my fave quotes ever, from one of my fave films, ever as well, LIKE CRAZY, when Anna said:

"... but it's nice being away, i think it's important to get away from where you've grown up for some of your life ..."

despite loving it, i just have to go home. i mean, i have stayed far away from home due to job thingy, for - like - 2 and a-half years, and it makes going home is not a casual thing for me.

i like that - being away from home, and the idea of traveling home.